I’ve read quite a few blog posts about breastfeeding. They are mostly written by mothers who advocate for more freedom to breastfeed in public places. While I applaud those mothers, this post isn’t about that. This is about mothers who do not breastfeed.
We have a nearly five-month old daughter now. Throughout Robyn’s pregnancy, we talked about all the good things we would do to take care of her and make sure she grew up healthy. At the top of our list was breastfeeding. We knew that breastfeeding would be best for our baby’s physical nourishment as well as social and emotional development, and we wanted the best for little Afton.
Things don’t always go as planned, however. For something so natural, breastfeeding turned out to be very difficult. Of course, I don’t speak from first hand experience, but I watched Robyn struggle as she didn’t produce enough milk, Afton wouldn’t latch correctly, and holding a baby made the incision from Robyn’s emergency C-section hurt, not to mention her struggles with postpartum depression. She tried valiantly for a month, but it just wasn’t working, and seeing how much it was frustrating her, I told her it was time to stop.
It was a tough choice for us to make. We wanted the best for our daughter, after all. But was getting minimal milk for maximum frustration really the best? After talking it over and discussing it with our pediatrician, we decided to move to a purely formula diet--one of the best decisions we ever made. Since then, Afton has eaten very well and is now a happy, smiling four-and-a-half month old, who started on her first solid foods last week. It also lightened the load on Robyn’s shoulders, although it didn’t solve her depression, but that is a topic for another post.
Through this experience, I learned something about myself: I judged bottle-feeding parents. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I used to look down on those who didn’t breastfeed. Didn’t they know what science showed was best for their baby? Were they too lazy or busy or self-centered?
I think many people do this without realizing it. Many of the reactions we get when we pull out a bottle or mention formula suggest it: “You use formula? That must be why she’s so big,” or just a strange look.
The point is it is all too easy to judge others for what they do, when we have no idea what the whole story is. Robyn tried her hardest to breastfeed Afton and felt bad about quitting, but it was the best thing for us to do.
I hope that I have learned my lesson. Rather than looking at a bottle-feeding mom or a person at church in grubby clothes or someone smoking and thinking that they obviously don’t know what’s best for them, I need to view them as Jesus would: as a brother or sister with their own challenges and hardships and background story. I should be so busy helping others that I don’t have time to judge people based on what they feed their children. Our focus should be on love and understanding, not judgment, even in matters of breastfeeding.
Loved this post! Thank you! I was one of those people who judged formula babies and parents as well. In fact, I judged so many people for so many things. When we got pregnant with William when Mary was just 5 months old, my milk supply decreased significantly - no matter what I did. Finally, we switched to formula, and I got peace of mind (at last) that I knew that she was getting enough food to eat to nourish her. That lasted a week, until I noticed that she had a horribly stuffy and runny nose and the first diaper rash of her life. I did hours and hours of research, and we made the switch to pure, raw goat's milk. It turns out that Mary had an intolerance to cow's milk - which is what formula contains (cow's milk proteins). The protein molecules in goat's milk are 1/4 of the size as those found in cow's milk, making it the closest milk to human milk - therefore more easily digestible. As soon as we made the switch, all of the negative symptoms wen away. She lived off of creamy goat's milk until she was 18 months old and her molars came in and we began feeding her solids. So now, when I see other good people do things differently, I do not judge any longer. I believe that good parents are not ignorant or lazy. Our children are sent specifically to us - and the choices we make for them are the right choices. We are entitled to revelations with regards to them! So whether a parent chooses to nurse or formula feed, begin at 4 months or 18 months to solid feed, vaccinate or not (sorry!), teach Spanish or English, swaddle or not, attachment parent or not, etc..., it is up to THEM - and we need not judge - no matter what revelation or knowledge we have received for our own. A great life lesson!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment! I agree, even when it comes to vaccinations we shouldn't judge when parents are doing what they genuinely think is best for their children. That doesn't mean we can't share our opinions and scientific evidence, though! The great thing is that people can and should be friends even when they disagree.
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